Today I was catching up on blog reading and I read a post by Jon Acuff, author of Stuff Christians Like and at the end of the post I was posed a question…
“What is the most embarrassing thing your child has said to you while in church?”
I immediately thought of my sister when we were kids. I’m not sure how old she was, but she was old enough to know and write her alphabet. Because during the service, she said, in a not-so-quiet voice, “Mama, what does S-E-X spell??”
As if this wasn’t embarrassing enough, she had written S-E-X all over the palm of her hand in black ink and raised it up to my mom as she asked her question. You can only imagine what the people behind my mother were probably thinking, since they had a clear view of my sister’s hand and all.
Then, I started thinking about my own kids and what they may have said to me while in church. Nothing really stood out in my mind as being embarrassing when JD and LD were younger. Of course, they weren’t toddlers anymore when we started going to church as a family so that’s probably part of it.
But then I thought of AH; my little firecracker. She’s a sweetheart but she’s hard to silence and, at almost three, will definitely make herself heard (appropriate timing or not).
At her age, she’s usually in her 2-3 year old class while the rest of our family is in “big church” listening to the sermon. But, there are two times I can remember her doing something embarrassing while she was in the sanctuary with the congregation.
The first is when she was probably about eight weeks old and we attended a different church than we do now. Babies this age don’t do a whole lot other than eat, sleep and poop. So, it was time for the children to come to the front and they asked me to bring AH, too. Being put on the spot and not wanting to seem rude, I obliged and escorted JD and LD to the front with AH in my arms. About mid lesson, I suddenly knew what was next.
AH began to squirm, her face turned beet red, she let out a subtle grunt…
And she proceeded to fill her diaper.
The Children’s Time leader didn’t miss a beat. I’m sure she heard it.
I’m sure JD and LD heard it (they were trying not to laugh).
Inside I was freaking out:
“Holy crap. Literally. My baby just pooped right next to a woman wearing a microphone and I’m sitting on stage in front of everyone. Unable to leave. Unable to laugh. Unable to see if it’s leaking everywhere. Holy crap.”
Lucky for me, the rest of the time on stage went off without a hitch and the congregation was none the wiser.
The second time AH caused a commotion in church was this past Christmas Day. On Christmas, there are no children’s classes and we all go in the sanctuary. I was already nervous because The Husband was going to be helping with the sound and I’d have to brave “big church” with my headstrong tot alone.
I expected her to be restless. I expected to have to keep her entertained.
What I didn’t expect was AH pointing and saying rather loudly,
“Mommy, look! There’s Justin Bieber!”
Naturally, a couple heads turn because they
think it’s a Christmas miracle that the Beibs would come to our small town wonder who she’s pointing to.
I look to my right, and there, across she aisle in a pew, sat a handsome teen boy sporting a Bieber ‘do. Seriously, what two year old can recognize what looks to be Justin Bieber?! One with a Bieber-crazed older sister, that’s for sure.
There was no shutting her up after that so we made our way out to the hall where, thankfully, we found some of her toddler friends.
And “Justin Bieber” could enjoy the rest of the service without being heckled by AH.
I’d love to hear other stories…
What embarrassing things have your kids done during church or any other time??