Be Enough Me: Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

Last week was possibly one of the happiest weeks of my life.

I had my gallbladder removed eleven days ago so I was off work to recover.
You’d think my week would have been full of bandages, prescriptions, and pain management. And it was.

But it was also filled with lots of TLC given by my two year old little girl with blue eyes, wavy blonde hair, and a lisp that makes everything she says adorable.
We colored, sang, learned shapes, recited colors, counted and shared buckets of hugs and kisses.
I hate that I had to go back to work today; my heart just isn’t in it. Each morning I leave it behind with her as she greets her little friends with smiles and kisses me goodbye with her tiny little pucker.

I’ve made it no secret that I want to be home
to raise AH but that’s just not possible right now. I want her look back on her childhood and have memories of me playing with her, making crafts, lying in the backyard finding pictures in the clouds.

I’m also the type of person who wouldn’t feel right about going to work and being paid for a half-assed job. And I want to teach my kids-both my girls and my boy- that women can be independent and that you should work for things in life
rather than have someone give it to you.

So often I think about whom I want to be for my kids; what kind of mom/woman/human being. And so many times I feel inadequate
.

I feel guilty about leaving AH while I go to work. I feel guilty when I’m at work wishing I was home. I feel guilty
when we have LD and JD for summer visitation and they have to wake up early to go to a sitter when I’d rather they got to sleep in and enjoy their lazy summer.

I’m tired of feeling guilty. It’s not good for me. And there are others who have bigger problems than not being able to stay home with their kids.

So I’ve decided to work harder at being able to stay home or at least have a job that allows me more time at home; whether it is part time or work from my house.

It may take some time but I will get there; I will be the mom I want to be.


I will be enough.

Just Be Enough is fighting cancer with the help of two incredible partners: Bellflower Books and Crickett’s Answer for Cancer. For every 20 link ups received this month, Bellflower Books will donate a $75 certificate toward a 20-page memory book to a family identified by Crickett’s Answer who are fighting the good fight against breast cancer. Their goal is to be able to provide ten women the opportunity to receive a special book created by family and friends that will be treasured not only by the brave women fighting, but by their families as well.

Please go link up!!

Happy Blogging,

Adrian

Favorite Wedding Photo: Linking up – Down The Aisle

I know this isn’t a part of the photo challenge, but I love reading Mommy of a Monster & Twins and decided to link up for Down The Aisle.

When we chose a wedding day in January, some people thought we were crazy. January in Southeast Texas is not ideal wedding season. Did I mention our ceremony was outdoors? We even had one of our vendors question our decision and asked, “Are you from around here? Chances are your wedding is going to be cold and rainy.”

However, we had to plan the wedding during a time when we knew we would have our older two kids because they were in the wedding party. So we decided to trust a Farmer’s Almanac and take our chances.

Turns out it was a gorgeous day; 70 degrees and sunny with a few clouds in the sky. It was amazing, the kind of day you see in movie weddings.

And I got to marry this handsome guy with two beautiful kids.

LD- Junior Bridesmaid (8yrs), The Husband, JD- Best Man (5yrs)

I love this picture of them. I’ve chosen to include it in this post because my wedding was more than “you are now, Husband and Wife.” I was marrying my husband, but I was also marrying his children and made vows to them, too. We were now, officially, a family, although it had seemed that way for a while.

Here are my favorite pictures of The Husband and me after our wedding.

I don’t know what we were laughing about in either photo but I know we were happy. Happy the madness of planning (and paying for) a wedding was over. Happy we were finally married.
Every time I look at my wedding pictures, I remember that day and how much I love my husband; then and now. We worked really hard to make sure the day was special and fun, not only for us but for our kids. And I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.
______________________________________________________________
Now’s your turn to look back on your big day of “I Do’s” and link up!
Happy Blogging,
Adrian

It’s like being in labor, only not.

It’s official. My gallbladder hates me.

My relaxing weekend plans of going camping in the Texas Hillcountry with my family are no more. Instead, I’ve got a lunch date with a surgeon.

Sounds way fun, right? Um, no.

Last weekend I spent almost an entire night in the ER with a gallbladder attack. I had only experienced this kind of pain one other time in my life…when I was in labor with AH. Except this was worse and I didn’t get an adorable tiny human afterward.

Late Friday night or early Saturday morning (not sure which one as I was heavily medicated) it was discovered that I have a rather large gallstone and now, a week later, my gallbladder must go.

I’m really trying hard not to freak out. But there are so many things to think about!

My inner monologue goes something like this:

What if something happens during surgery?!
What if I have terrible side effects of not having a gallbladder?!
Who’s going to watch the baby?!
And how am I going to NOT lift her up for six weeks?!
Oh no! I’m going to miss JD’s first soccer game!
And the medical bills?!

And the list goes on. **cue fearful screams**

I’m one of these people that have a really hard time trusting God completely; so much that I let go of worrying. I’m really working on this but have a long way to go.
Obviously. But on the bright side, I’m pretty good at finding perspective, even if I can’t stop worrying.

I know things could be worse. Having your gallbladder removed is not a serious problem to have. And I am blessed to have access to the medical care I need and health care benefits. I have people to help me if i need it and a job that will allow me time off and still pay me. I’m a grateful woman.

But I still have one very serious question.

How much does a gallbladder weigh and is it enough to take a couple inches of the midsection?

Happy blogging,

Adrian

30 Day Photo Challenge (just not in 30 days)

Guess what?! I’m baaaa-aaaackk!!

Yep, I went on a bit of a hiatus when we had our big kids for our summer visitation.  More kids equals less spare time and I didn’t want my spare moments to be spent in front of a computer screen instead of enjoying having my family all under one roof.

So, I took a break and that ended up being longer than intended.

Anywho…I’m back to blogging and decided to do a 30 day photo challenge to kick things off.

Now, let’s not confuse things.  This 30 Day Photo Challenge won’t follow the typical rules of a 30 day challenge.  It will be 30 different days of photo blog posts rather than 30 consecutive days of photos, ya dig?  Now that I got that disclaimer out of the way, let’s get on with it.

The 30 Day Photo Challenge:

Day 1 – A picture of yourself with 10 facts

This is me.
(Pay no attention to that diaper clad tot in the background)
  1. I was born on Veteran’s Day…six weeks premature.
  2. I’ve had a crush on Steven Tyler of Aerosmith since I was six years old.
  3. I like eating french fries with ice cream.
  4. If I could learn something as an adult that I didn’t do as a child, I would learn ballet and piano.
  5. I procrastinate.  I’ve gotten a little better about it with age, but not much.
  6. I still have my gallbladder and, as of Friday night, this is a problem.
  7. Writing a bucket list is on my bucket list. I’ve got a couple of things jotted down but nothing concrete or in order. (I’m thinking #4 is on the list)
  8. Being wrong is something I’m not very good at.
  9. If time were on my side, I’d be way more crafty.
  10. The Wizard of Oz is my all-time favorite movie.

At some point I will get a picture in which you can actually see my eyes.  This might be hard because I’m usually the one behind the lens or iPhone snapping the shots.

Happy Blogging,

Adrian